last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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