the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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