she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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