what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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