My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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