dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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