Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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