We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize