WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize