don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize