Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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