I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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