I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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