I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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