My hand turned me down
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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