so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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