I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
smell my finger.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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