she looked like the bat from fern gully.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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