wanna go halves on a baby?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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