I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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