ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize