even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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