I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize