just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize