Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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