Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize