There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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