she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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