I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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