I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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