Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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