You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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