hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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