can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She bit a glass in half.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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