Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize