i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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