I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize