so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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