I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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