I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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