do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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