So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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