Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize