3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize