I faked an abortion last night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize