I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize