So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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