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He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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