I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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