It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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